Capturing stories in images

I love photography. The need to capture every important moment on film is an obsession I've inherited from my father. His love for the lens predates the digital revolution, of course. When we were youngsters, he had a special imported Pentax SLR camera (note the absence of the 'D' there, this was the regular 36 film roll non-digital camera). Our baby books and other albums are choc-a-block full of photos - carefully preserved, some black and white, some coloured and some even lovingly labelled by my mum. A treasure trove of memories. 

And then the burst of digital cameras and smart phones happened. There is now an ever increasing need for photographs in a common person's life. Facebook profiles, Whatsapp DPs, Instagram accounts, the ubiquitous #selfie.. all fuel the need to click-click-click. You come across all sorts of gems (and disasters) on any social media platform on a daily basis. 

One trend (a very popular one) though that disturbs me no end is getting photo shoots done. I initially heard of the concept 5-7 years ago; a colleague mentioned that the latest 'it' thing was for couples in Korea to get pre-wedding photo shoots done. We had a hearty laugh about it - how ridiculous! Wear your wedding finery before the wedding and get photographed?! I mean, really?! And then, before you could say cheese, the idea had permeated our very own desi weddings. Social media these days is awash with frame-worthy airbrushed pictures of betrothed couples. The more 'candid' the clicks, the more sought after the photographer. 

But wait a minute, what is so candid about such a photo shoot? You wear some pretty clothes specially picked for the day, and go to some picture friendly location - which in a majority of cases has no relevance or importance to you both as a couple. You take the typical look-into-each-others-eyes photo, or the hold-hands-and-walk-into-the-sunset photo. Look at that point away from the camera, zoom lenses, some filters, some photoshopping... and voila! Your very own set of (meaningless but very nice looking) moments worth framing. Really? 

Pregnancy photo-shoots are the other thing-to-do apparently. Not only do I find this equally ridiculous, I also wonder what motivates these mothers-to-be to parade what is probably their least attractive, ill-fitting-clothed, constantly-in-pain, hyper-hormonally-moody selves in a studio, for so many hours, at the whims of a photographer. I'm not saying don't click a photo of yourself while pregnant (trust me, I've got a hundred of those too), I just don't understand the need to manufacture a magazine worthy image which has no story behind it other than - "oh, we went to this guy's studio and spent half a day changing clothes." 

And of course the obvious next step is to do an equally brushed up photo-shoot for the baby. Now these baby sessions are very tempting to new parents. Who doesn't want the world to see how precious their creation is?! 

I confess that even I (partially) succumbed to this Pinteresty temptation.. saw one such photo of a baby boy sleeping on top of a football, and decided that we would do that with a basketball if we have a boy. (The husband is a basketballer in heart and soul). So 12 days after being blessed with a little munchkin, my father, mother, husband and I decided to do our baby's "first shoot". We still didn't look for a professional because I still find that ridiculous. But we put our own heads together, tried to set up the 'studio' at home, and got the props and baby all ready for his perfect shot. It was a very entertaining half an hour - a little soul wondering why these monkeys are jumping all around him! Clapping, screaming, laughing, trying our best to get his attention.. under the perfect light, the perfect angle. The fruit of our efforts was a collection of more than a 100 clicks of baby with ball. We picked a couple of them, and cropped and focused, and filtered - very pleased with our efforts. 

But you know what the best capture of the day was? After the entire charade was done, my husband picked up baby in his arms, and in the other hand held the basketball. He was having a quiet conversation and telling baby how much his dad loves the game, and how he'll teach him to play once he grows up. That moment, captured in a photo - baby looking lovingly into his dad's eyes, and dad holding his two loves so dearly. Perfect. No one looks at the background in that photo, no one cared to airbrush it. It's perfect as is. 

That is precisely the reason I'd never get a photo shoot done. A picture is supposed to be worth a thousand words. A studio photo is worth maybe four (oh-that-looks-beautiful); and that's just not enough in my books.

7 reasons why I hate "7 reasons..." posts

Oh my god. Can anyone write an article these days without making a list out of it?! 

It’s bad enough to have social media posts where you click to “find out what happened next” and then get taken to some place where you sign away your right to a brain (or your control over what gets posted on your social media page, whatever). Those posts I can handle. I simply click on this wonderful thing called the “back page” button. No I do not want to give you access to my personal life; no I do not care about your bait-y headline anymore. I will find something else to read today. I know it may not “change my life forever” like your post promises to. But I’m ok with that. 

These lists though. Where do I start? Or rather, where do they stop? It is supposed to be a tool to get clicks on your page. In a world where attention spans are shorter than the time it takes for Tony Stark to create a new Iron Man suit, it sure helps to have catchy headlines. Topical posts on relatable subjects are a dime-a-dozen. So someone somewhere on the inter-webs realized that people like to read lists. They know what they are getting into when they open the article. If nothing else, they can skim through the first sentence of each point, get a gist of what the author is trying to say, and share it on their social media page, with an opinion on the post – all without wasting no more than that one traffic signal stoppage on the way to/from work. Voila! What else could you need in life. 

Let me tell you what else I could need. I could need some reading material that actually goes in depth into a topic. I could need people sharing articles with me that they have actually read and bothered to form an opinion on. I could be interested in reading articles that actually tell a story, or that work in the traditional introduction-main-body-conclusion format. A format that works, because that’s how our brains work and process information. I can understand a 30-things-to-do-before-30 post, or a 10-apps-under-$10 post. Atleast the numbers have some relevance to the content. But why is it necessary, for e.g. to list down only 5 reasons why you chose to be a stay-at-home mom. Why not a heartfelt story about a mum enjoying the life she has chosen for herself and her family? Why are there only 7 reasons why your dog is wonderful? Could you not instead write about that incident where your dog saved the cheerleader (and saved the world). What about the places other than these 9 for getting your fix of wine? Only 12 amazing fried snacks across all of India? Please. There are more dishes than that on a single lunch table in any Punjabi home. 

I do realize that my rant uses the same ruse that it's supposed to condemn. But that’s the point isn’t it. The buzzfeeds and scoopwhoops of the world are known for such click-generating-content. But why everyone else? Most of these list articles are like mine – they don’t really need to be bullet-pointed. But the writers do so anyway - just for clicks. And that’s why I hate them. 

(Yes, I promised you 7 reasons and delivered just 1. Don’t you get that same feeling when reading a lot of these articles? They really just have the one thing to say.)

Making a living, or living!

Working 9 to 5, what a way to make living, 

Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving. 

 They just use your mind, and you never get the credit, 

It's enough to drive you Crazy... if you let it. 

 9 to 5, Yeah, they got you were they want you. 

There's a better life; And you think about it, don't you? 

Dolly Parton's lyrics hit me as I started my drive to work one Monday morning. It's uncanny how the radio can tune in to your innermost thoughts and spew out the perfect song sometimes! 

I know we all live in an era when everyone’s favorite pastime is to crib about that dreaded corporate job and long for the day one can "start something on my own." The premise being, that if you're putting in so much effort and drudgery, might as well reap your own rewards – fully. It's a sound enough logic, and I'm not intending to get into the start-up-no-start-up debate here. Whether as part of your own venture, or as a cog in the corporate wheel, you are equally likely to feel frustrated. Frustrated with your colleagues, with your clients, with your vendors, or even just frustrated with the cab driver whose slow driving is making you late for a meeting. 

But this is something deeper - that longing for the “better life” that Ms. Parton was crooning about. An existential dilemma that keeps re-surfacing for me every few months. It actually reminded me of an episode of Friends where Chandler just makes an off-the-cuff remark – “Well, everyone hates their jobs. Who doesn’t?!” And the rest of the gang instantly denies it. They all genuinely love what they do. This conversation eventually leads to Chandler quitting his high paying “data processing” job and taking up an unpaid internship in an advertising firm. Not that a sitcom is the best place for getting your career advice, but there’s certainly some wisdom in there. 

To be honest, I’ve tried the stay-at-home-nothingness, I’ve tried the small break-to-purse-my-passion, I’ve even briefly tried the stay-at-home-mommy. So I know it isn’t easy to just get up and change your career path and/or life. Sometimes we’ve got to take a leap of faith and just start an adventure. Sometimes it is a more planned and phased out decision. One just needs to keep their minds open to new and interesting challenges, and take them up. Who knows which one can turn into that dream job for you – the one that is actually better; the one that turns the frustrated “what a way to make a living” into the excited “Whattey way to make a living!!”

Which school are you from?

One of the very entertaining and almost guaranteed peculiarities of being an Army brat is the non-permanence of the answer to that question. With the fathers being regularly transferred from one end of the country to the other, you would be hard pressed to find an Army kid who hasn't changed at least a few schools before they hit 12th grade. Amongst the brats, it sometimes turns into a contest of sorts - I'm in the 8th grade and I've been to 10 different schools. (No exaggeration - this actually happens!)

The very normalcy of this transience in an Army brat's life keeps coming back to me while I traverse adulthood as a civilian. 

When you have your own kids, people around you are panicking about which school to enrol their newborn offspring in. Even the pre-play-school (or whichever new group they invent next) is considered to be a life-changing decision. Which playgroup has inroads into which playschool has inroads into which nursery has inroads into which school has inroads into which college, and so on. People come up to you and advise you to enrol your 6 month old infant in the "right" school which he's supposed to start at age 4! And while I am using all my efforts to not laugh out loud, I see that they're dead serious. (I can only imagine what they must be making of my contorted expressions changing from ha-ha-that's-a-good-one to oh-my-you're-serious and finally settling on ok-let-me-pretend-to-be-concerned). I mean sure, it is possible and very likely that my kid will graduate from the same school I start him in. It's even likely that the quality of education, or the brand name of the school, or whatever else will have an impact on his entire life. But aren't people being over paranoid here? I mean kids can change schools you know. It's not unheard of, even amongst civilians. And this whole concern about how-will-he-adjust-and-make-new-friends is pure hog-wash. Adapting to change is probably one of the most important life skills one can possess. And you want your child - in the most formative years of his/her life - to be subjected to the least change possible? How are you preparing them for the real world then?!

Not trying to be callous here and ignore the importance of choosing the right education for your kid. All I'm saying is that it need not necessarily be a one-time choice that is the be-all and end-all of his/her existence! Pick a school that works best at that time, and if the need arises, change it later. What's the big deal? Why should I spend sleepless nights (well, more nights than a 6 month infant demands from you any way) fretting about which school, which board, which area, who do I know that can get me in, blah blah blah? I can not and do not want to chart out his class 10th board exam study timetable even before he's said his first words.

For now, I'm just happy cheering him in efforts to sit up on his own, and crawl all over my face, and cackle like a little monkey. School can wait. Who knows what all can (and will) change in the next three and a half years. I know I once went through four schools in that much time...

Different strokes for different folks

I've recently increased my frequency of travelling by cabs - thanks to the daily picking up and/or dropping of Baby at day care. And was very amused to come across two Uber drivers with such diametrically opposite views on the company.

The first driver was a typical quiet fellow, my only small peeve with him was that he refused to wait for 5 minutes as I picked up Baby. He said they weren't technically allowed to wait, and I should just rebook another Uber once I'm ready to go. Alright. If you're going to be so "by-the-book" I won't hold it against you. (Ok, not too much. But I'll still be a little resentful.) As luck would have it, when I rebooked an Uber after all or 4 minutes, big surprise - the same cabbie got assigned to me! Ha! A sheepish smile, and then the rant begins. He went on for the rest of the journey about how Uber is being unfair to drivers. They keep 20% of the fare, "aur unka kya kharcha hai?! Office mein teen log bithaye hain aur system chalu kar diya. Kharcha aur mehnat toh humari lagti hai" (What expense do they have? Just three employees and a software. We are the ones who have capital expenses, and it's our effort after all.) He accepted that Uber initially was very good to drivers, but according to him, they are now being greedy. Even gave me some back-of-the-envelope calculation for how an entire day's very hard work only yields him around Rs 1000 per day. Just went on and on about how all Uber drivers were unhappy and are pretty much on the verge of staging an agitation, apparently. 

But basically, he had no excuse for why it was so hard for him to wait for 5 minutes, and instead decided to bombard me with his life's "dukhad katha". 

Cut to the next day. For the same trip, I get a happy-go-cheerful fellow. He's wonderfully chatty about everything including how he's just had a leisurely lunch and afternoon siesta at home. And in complete contrast to the previous day, this fellow just couldn't stop talking about how brilliant Uber is. "They give money in the bank, on a regular basis. They aren't putting a gun to my head and forcing me to work. I even went to my native village for a month, no one asked me any questions. So much freedom." According to him, Ola had too much of an "ego problem" (his words), and had started running helter skelter as soon as Uber came on the scene. That day was one on which some autos and cabs were on strike in Mumbai, and Uber was incentivising drivers with an extra Rs 100 per pick-up. Despite that, he happily offered to wait as I went in to the day care (ha!). 

Alright I'll admit he was probably one of those souls who sees the silver lining, or rather just decides to paint the cloud all shades of silver and be glad about it. But the point is that he wasn't blindly optimistic. I liked that he seemed to have a solid understanding of the way business works, had no qualms about a false sense of entitlement. I work, I get paid for my work, I don't need any dole-outs. And hell, life is good!

Of course it comes as no surprise that I was so much happier travelling with the second guy. His positive energy was such a refreshing change from all the Cribby-Mc-Cribbersons that a lot of these taxi drivers are. Really turned my end-of-work-day-tired frown upside down. 

And made me realise yet again, that no one (or no company) can keep everyone happy or everyone unhappy. There're always both camps in every situation. 

Excuse me please

People who lack basic courtesy irk me. 

Strangers are often subject to a mental dressing down by me long after we’ve crossed paths. Of course, none of it has any impact on their existence so instead I’ve decided to vent online. Such is the joy of living in the connected age!

If you’re walking along a corridor with a swinging door at the end, why wouldn’t you spend an extra second to keep the door open till the person walking three steps behind you reaches it? I’m not talking about opening the door and letting them pass before you, but just an extra push to make sure they’ve got a hold of it before you go on your way. It seems to be something that comes instinctively to a lot of people, most of whom aren’t Indian. It isn’t even about men being courteous for women. According to me, this is a civil courtesy that everyone should afford everyone else. 

Along the same lines, I notice a lot of people in offices who just wait for the person on the other side of the door to swipe their access cards, and then quickly go through before that person has themselves crossed. As if the other person is waiting just to open the door for you. It’s quite ridiculous. What give you the entitlement of right of way? 

It’s as if it’s never in your favour to be patient and give people a fair chance. Everyone just seems to be looking out for themselves. It even comes across in our tendencies to cut lines. Whether it’s while waiting for an elevator, or while driving. The basic assumption is - let me go first, I’ll be gone before anyone else is inconvenienced.

Well, let me tell you something. Every time, every single time that you cut in front of another person, you are inconveniencing them! No exceptions. So learn to wait your turn, be courteous to the person in front of you or behind you, and just be a better human being! It's not that much to ask for. 

Forfeiting Book Loans

Never lend a book if you will mind it not being returned. 

Very smart and sane advice to give to any book owner. We often end up doing the opposite though. You love a book so much that you go around recommending it to all and sundry. Eventually one person will ask to borrow your copy. Much as you'd like the love for your book to spread, be careful. Loaning your beloved book and never seeing it again is a very heart wrenching feeling. I have collected many books over the years as gifts. From my grandma on each birthday, from my parents, my brother, my husband, even from friends that were once close but then drifted away. One of the things I always insist on, is for the gifter to inscribe a message on the book. For some, this may be a sacrilege. But for me, it makes the book that much more special. I may read the book only once, but the inscription is read over the years with a big Cheshire Cat like smile. So if someone borrows a book from me, I can't simply go out and buy a replacement. The story of my copy is lost forever, to lie in someone else's book shelf. Heart breaking.

But sadly and much to my detriment, I've taken too long to adopt this advice myself. And, I'm now the owner of a few series with the first and/or second book missing.

Just to clarify, I'm sure the borrower doesn't intend to keep the book forever. It's just one of those things that happens. I too have books from a couple of people that haven't been returned (and never will be). Losing touch with someone is one obvious reason. Or maybe you don't start reading it immediately and then it just gets lost somewhere in the bookshelf. By the time you reach for it a few months (or years) down the line, you may not even remember who the book belongs to. (See one more advantage of the inscription!) 

One of my friends has a thing for Markus Zuzak's The Book Thief (Ironic to mention that particular book, I know). She can not have a conversation about reading without bringing up how much she loves it. So after a couple of conversations, when she realised that I still hadn't read it, she just went ahead and bought it for me! And I realised that that's a wonderful way to spread your love. No heart break for you, and a wonderful experience for the other person. Who doesn't like receiving gifts 'just because'. 

So despite the faith you have in someone, and despite knowing that they aren't inherent book hoarders, just be careful with books that mean something special to you. Ideally, suggest that people should read the book and leave them to buy it for themselves. Or if you're feeling really benevolent then buy one for them. 

But, never ever lend a book if you will mind it not being returned.

Doing what you love (vs) loving what you do

I recently saw a post on Facebook about a friend getting an offer for a work-from-home copyrighter kind of assignment. She doesn't have any professional training as a writer; she's certainly very active on Facebook, writes a blog occasionally, and does have a flair for the written word. But I like to think that's something I have too!

A few months ago, I would've gone into a bit of a spiral about how to find myself in such a dream situation. But last year I came across this book called "So Good They Can't Ignore You". Such an interesting perspective it provided me with. The book highlights that our generation is faced with this constant bombardment of the idea of 'chasing your dream'. While it sounds great in theory, and we all hear stories about how this one quit as a banker and became a successful photographer, or how that one left her 9-to-5 to became a yoga instructor. But the truth is that people can not make a living out of a hobby or vocation with that much ease. For all the success stories you hear, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of failures. The author espouses that instead of having a vague (though inspirational sounding) aim of just 'doing what you love', one should aspire to 'be so good at what you love' that they simply can't ignore you. Basically, build a skill set that is valuable, and that people will be willing to pay for. So for e.g., if you want to be a creative writer, or a content creator, don't just quit your day job and aim to charge people to read your Facebook posts. Good intention, wrong execution. One needs to hone and develop skills over time, and the more the effort you put in at this stage, the more the rewards you're likely to enjoy eventually. Your hobby is unlikely to turn into a job for you just like that. In fact, the odds are that it never will. 

So with this profound (yet simple) philosophy I've now stopped day-dreaming about becoming the next big Indian author, or having my own millionaire-creating e-commerce venture, or being a world famous pottery artist. Instead I focus on enjoying my side-hobbies for what they are, and continue with my day job as a 'job'. Because that involves actually using skills that I've acquired and honed over so many years of hard work! And also well, you gotta have money in the bank. 

But then I come across things like what happened with my friend above, and it again makes me wonder just a little bit - what if? Or why not me? This post is just to remind myself that may be, just may be, it can be me. Some day. Not today though. I still need to work on being 'so good...'